"It's OK to be a Mess"

Right now, I feel that my life is a mess. But through it all, God is showing me to focus on Him. 

I am dealing with issues with good friends, that shows how I need to work on my temper, and really work on being able to forgive and not hold grudges, which has always been a fatal flaw of mine. Guys, I truly am so sorry. I still am unsure of where I am going to go to school next year, and finances are scaring me. How am I going to pay for school? I am dealing with things going on in my family. I am dealing with bouts of depression, that I can't let affect all other aspects of my life. I'm so scared for my future, honestly. I am dealing with having to give up my life in high school, and accept that I have a full life ahead of me in college and beyond, which is challenging. However, I don't want to just be complaining about my life in this post. In contrast, I want to show that God is faithful through EVERYTHING. 

God is helping me sincerely accept my call to ministry-specifically youth ministry, and not keep waffling if it's really for me. Ever since last semester, I have realized that youth ministry brings me such joy and peace, and that I love every aspect of it, the organization part, the "preaching", the counseling, even the conflict part. I just want to be able to pour out my life to youth, and I feel that youth ministry is what God is really calling me to do. However, recently, I have let myself question and doubt. But, it's the one thing I can't imagine myself not doing. I am so thankful to my home church youth pastor Jon, who has given me so many opportunities to work on youth ministry things, and has opened a door into what youth ministry really is. Jon really has shown me what a youth pastor should be doing, and through his example, he has so positively affected my life, as well as so many others.  I am also so thankful for my practicum church youth pastor Tony Bye, who really helped to confirm a call I already felt. He was able to push me completely out of my comfort zone, and he helped me to see how I have abilities I never thought I had. He helped me to see how women CAN be in ministry, and I am so grateful for his constant encouragement. Through his example, I have seen what a healthy and growing youth group should look like, and he has given me so many ideas of what to do in youth ministry. 

Through all of this, I have seen that trusting God is really the only constant in life, and that I just have to truly trust Him with my entire life, every aspect. It's the conversations with good friends, the reassurance from God through the words of those who truly care about me that help lead me back to God. 

Anything that you are going through, God is going to carry your burdens, ALL OF THEM, if you let Him. Right now, I feel that I have been handed many "stones" instead of "loaves of bread", but many of these are helping my spiritual growth. And through this, I can help others in their spiritual lives. 

Romans 8:28- "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

Philippians 1:6- "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

The Future Is Scary, But Bright

So, I know I haven't posted in quite some time. Life has been hectic, but good. I have been focusing on my relationship with God more, and even though I doubt Him sometimes, and don't know what He is doing in my life, I still strive to my best ability to trust Him, and surrender everything to Him, even when it seems close to impossible. I'm trying to have my emotions not guide my life, and how I am feeling that day. I am seeking to be thankful more, also. To God, for all that He has blessed me with. I have an incredible family, who is always here to support and love me, amazing friends, who make me laugh, and cry, and everything inbetween, and an incredible school to attend, where God's presence can be felt in classes, conversations, and everyday life, more than I have ever experienced. God has blessed me with certain talents and gifts and passions, and I need to grasp these and be living my life in tune with the goal of using these to serve God's kingdom.
This semester has been better than last semester, but there are certain challenges. I am learning that during this semester, less may be more, in terms of commitments, and how much of myself I can give out. I am learning to not say "yes" to everything, and to take the time to re-energize myself, usually through sleep. :)
Also, I have declared my major! I am a Psychology and Youth Ministries double major, with a minor in Addictions Studies. If you were to ask me what I want to do with that exactly, I would say that I'm not sure. I am interested in becoming a Youth Pastor, but am struggling with my ideas of women in youth pastor positions. I am also interested in going to grad school to become a marriage and family therapist, or a clinical counselor. My heart breaks for the emotional and spiritual needs in teenagers, and I want to love them, and show that God loves them. I believe that the family structure that one grows up in plays a large role in shaping one's view of the world around them, as well as of oneself. I strive to have each and every teenager realize God's amazing plans for their life, and to realize who they are living for in this life.
Well, that is all for now.
God is good, all the time, even though we sometimes let life get in the way of that view.

Attitude Is Key

Lately, I have been thinking about my attitude towards everything that happens in my life. I have been considering how I react to things now, and what that reveals about my attitude. I also read part of 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens today, for my youth ministry class (lots of wisdom coming from the reading for that class), and some of one of the chapters was discussing attitude. I realized that I really need to work on having a better attitude towards so many aspects of my life. I need to realize that I can't really control exactly what happens to me, but I can control how I react to what happens to me. This made me think about 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, which reads "Rejoice always. Pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I find that I tend to look at negative aspects of situations, and dwell on negative thoughts. I realize that this is really hurting myself, as I need to be able to view every day as a gift from God. I need to be a proactive thinker, and I need to be able to bounce back when something bad happens, and always find a way to make things happen if I want them to. I want to change from a "no-can-do" mentality to a "can-do" mentality. I want to be positive, I want to live my life to the fullest, with an attitude that best serves the world and those around me!!!
In light of this positive attitude, tomorrow is a snow day!!!!!!!! :) This NEVER happens here!!! It's incredible: I can't wait for a day to rest and no classes!!
Thank you IWU!!!!

Living, Loving, and Just Kidding

First of all, I'm shocked I'm writing twice in a row (two days in a row), but hey, let's see how long this lasts...
If you know me, you know that these three words/phrases pretty much describe my life. I try to live my life to the fullest (see below), to truly love God and love other people (not only love them, but also like them, which can prove to be challenging at times), and I tend to say "Just Kidding" numerous times in one day (it's a phrase that I just really like to use).
Life is confusing sometimes. Life is full of surprises, and it is never predictable. There are days when you feel so blessed, and you can truly sense God's presence. Then there are the days when you feel discouraged, and hopeless. I have had my fair share of both types of those days, but it is incredible to think that God is faithful through all of our types of days. I want to offer encouragement to those who feel that they are experiencing many of the second type of day lately, as I am in your place. I feel that lately, I have experienced many hopeless, and discouraging days. God is still here, and He is waiting for us to run to His arms. Even when it seems like you have even given up on your relationship with God, know that He has never ever given up on you. Make your relationship with God your own. Take control, and learn to lose control at the same time. A good attitude is key. Absolutely everybody dies, that is inevitable, but some people don't truly live. I want to encourage you to really live: don't just wait for the next stage of your life to come about. Live for the present. Live for God. Live out what He might have for you. See what He can do with you when you truly give Him everything.
I had to read a book today for my Intro to Youth Ministries class called The Godbearing Life, and as much as I didn't enjoy reading it for the entire day, there is one part that stuck out to me. The author is talking about his journey of getting to know a man who had cancer, and talking to those who knew him as well. "His older brother, Jeff, told me that Dale would call him on his car phone every day at 7:00 AM. The conversation would take a rather predictable course. Dale would ask "What are you doing?" to which Jeff would reply, "What do you think I'm doing? I'm driving to work." "And what are you going to do today?" Jeff would respond with a litany of appointments and projects. Then Dale would ask the best question: "But what are you going to do today that's important?" "
I challenge you to truly live your life. To the fullest. This is something that I'm going to be trying to do, as well. Love people. Even when it becomes hard. Laugh. Tell jokes.  It helps you have a better attitude. :)
What are you going to do today that's important?

Protect Your Heart

Well, I have been talking about creating a blog for a while, since I feel that I can express myself better with writing than many other means of communication. :)
This blog is going to post my thoughts on life, commentary on events, reflections on my own personal relationship with God, and encouragement. I know that God has given me struggles in life so that I will be able to share with others going through similar struggles, and to encourage them in their walk in the Lord.
I am a freshman college student, I don't know exactly what God is calling me to do with my life, but I do know that He has it all under control. It is all in His hands. And that is where I find my peace.
One verse that has struck me lately is Proverbs 4:23, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Recently, I have realized how this is more true than I think I would like to admit. I tend to not guard my heart at times, and be overly sensitive in situations, and overreact due to feelings. However, I need to realize that our hearts govern so much of our decision making, and thinking, and reacting to different situations. We need to be sure that we are striving toward making our hearts like God's heart. This is something that I will be working on myself.
Well, that is just a little tidbit for today. :)