Right now, I feel that my life is a mess. But through it all, God is showing me to focus on Him.
I am dealing with issues with good friends, that shows how I need to work on my temper, and really work on being able to forgive and not hold grudges, which has always been a fatal flaw of mine. Guys, I truly am so sorry. I still am unsure of where I am going to go to school next year, and finances are scaring me. How am I going to pay for school? I am dealing with things going on in my family. I am dealing with bouts of depression, that I can't let affect all other aspects of my life. I'm so scared for my future, honestly. I am dealing with having to give up my life in high school, and accept that I have a full life ahead of me in college and beyond, which is challenging. However, I don't want to just be complaining about my life in this post. In contrast, I want to show that God is faithful through EVERYTHING.
God is helping me sincerely accept my call to ministry-specifically youth ministry, and not keep waffling if it's really for me. Ever since last semester, I have realized that youth ministry brings me such joy and peace, and that I love every aspect of it, the organization part, the "preaching", the counseling, even the conflict part. I just want to be able to pour out my life to youth, and I feel that youth ministry is what God is really calling me to do. However, recently, I have let myself question and doubt. But, it's the one thing I can't imagine myself not doing. I am so thankful to my home church youth pastor Jon, who has given me so many opportunities to work on youth ministry things, and has opened a door into what youth ministry really is. Jon really has shown me what a youth pastor should be doing, and through his example, he has so positively affected my life, as well as so many others. I am also so thankful for my practicum church youth pastor Tony Bye, who really helped to confirm a call I already felt. He was able to push me completely out of my comfort zone, and he helped me to see how I have abilities I never thought I had. He helped me to see how women CAN be in ministry, and I am so grateful for his constant encouragement. Through his example, I have seen what a healthy and growing youth group should look like, and he has given me so many ideas of what to do in youth ministry.
Through all of this, I have seen that trusting God is really the only constant in life, and that I just have to truly trust Him with my entire life, every aspect. It's the conversations with good friends, the reassurance from God through the words of those who truly care about me that help lead me back to God.
Anything that you are going through, God is going to carry your burdens, ALL OF THEM, if you let Him. Right now, I feel that I have been handed many "stones" instead of "loaves of bread", but many of these are helping my spiritual growth. And through this, I can help others in their spiritual lives.
Romans 8:28- "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."
Philippians 1:6- "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
